A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence


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I also take it with maca root, which is an endocrine stimulator. No lethargy, a positive attitude, and a full patience bank. Even my husband who only sees me two hours per day the strong man works 68 hours per week notices if I slack on taking it. Alissa, These two posts are important ones.


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I think they must apply to every parent, or at least I assume every parent must at some time get more angry than seems to make sense to them. I know I do. I find it strange that one of my children—whom I love very much—triggers more anger in me than anyone else in my whole life experience. It must be part of the lessons I signed up to learn when I became a parent. It is too easy to blame him and his challenges for my inability to handle him well. However, it still happens more than I want it to.

Thanks for the tips—they will come in handy. I sometimes try to power through things with Henry using my stubbornness. And, go figure, he is stubborn, too. Conversations like these help me to get past the shame enough to start thinking about what to DO about it. Is this really that big of a deal? After that, we chill out, we have our separate time outs, we move on.

I take note of how much better I feel for being honest, for trying to save the relationship, for cutting myself some slack. Sometimes I still lose it! The next DAY I talked to my kids about it, and we were still able to move on from it. Beautifully said, Crystal. These posts are so fantastic Alissa — thank you for breaking down your walls and sharing this. Youve helped me no end. I really like to learn on how to deal with parenting rage.

I think that being placed in a situation that made you rage is truly hard. I think that it really requires you a lot of patience and understanding to solve all the problem you encountered. Thank Andie, I hope I can continue to write about this topic and ones like it.

I think being aware of your triggers is SO important. I am learning that now. We take care to avoid things that trigger meltdowns, we can do that for ourselves as well. I have 3 children, one of which has special needs. Nor do I want them to see a hardened heart…. I want them to see mommy. But, the mommy that is darkened with rage in her heart and her face…. And again, thank you so much for finally giving me the one thing, one simple, small thought that I will use over and over to help me find my calm spot. All I can say is.. Thank You..

Thank you for the wonderful series and please keep it going! If I miss any more than 1 day in a row- things start going wrong- the crazy 8 of anger frustration and guild arrives. Thank you so much for this series. I honestly did not know that I had a temper until my son became a toddler. It is terrifying for me to lose control like that, I get so angry so fast and usually over such stupid stuff— is it really important?

And after I lost my temper and yelled and felt bad I just feel so stupid— he needed a bath anyways and seriously it took like 3 minutes to clean up the mess. Was it really that big a deal? Anyhow, I appreciate reading about how other parents are dealing with their rage monsters— both their rage and their kids rage. I just found this series today via pinterest. It could not have come at a better time. Two days ago I literally broke down.

I was trying to fold laundry, my 3 year old was knocking it all down and unfolding it all and started screaming in my face when I asked her to stop. I popped her in the mouth, not hard enough to leave a mark Or anything close, but it got her attention. I immediately started crying like a baby and after a few minutes of calming down apologized. Her response? I asked my husband if I was abusing our child. He says no, but I feel like I did. I completely lost control. These posts let me know that I am not the only one going through this. I remember popping my daughter in the face for biting me when she was two.

It was a knee jerk reaction. She fell, and hit her chin on the step and started screaming You Pushed Me! And I held her and told her I was sorry. Actually, my first reaction was to deny it. Which is horrible. We all learn how to be the best parents we can be in this civilized society by practice, gained wisdom not instinctively, as we would if we were in tribe and wild human beings. I love my children with all my heart and soul. Thank you so much!

I think that realizing your trigger is the biggest stop in trying to keep your cool. I can tune it all out. However if I have a To do list a mile long and I feel it waying on me. Then I begin mulitasking 5 things at a time plus the list in the back of my head plus the fussy toddler then I have to walk away. That works best for me. Usually I can pray in my room for a bit or I have sat on the bathroom floor and shut the door to find the calm. This works for me. Finding the thing that works and trying to use it when it gets tense.

Resources for Nourishing Family Life

I struggle with defusing it before hand. Then I end up sitting in my room. Finding that thing is the key. Thank you for your post. We all need to talk about this more. Talking has made all the difference for my 7 year old son and my self. One night after a very bad day I calmed down enough to apologise to him. It lead to a conversation about the anger on both sides and how it hurts us. I told him how much I wanted control my anger and change. We made a deal to talk each other about how we did at bed time. It helps to know I made him a promise and we will be talking about it that night.

Also on our good days we recognize the accomplishment daily and encourage each other. I am not perfect but we are getting better all the time. I literally started crying when i finished reading all these posts. I have been having such an incredibly difficult time with my 3 year old son for about 7 months since my daughter was born. I feel like I am angry with him so much. I am feeling so at a loss on how to deal with him latley and so disappointed and shocked at my lack of control. We were scared to make him angry. I love my children more than anything in the world and I have been feeling so guilty and horrible for my temper and reactions to him.

Living in Chaos: Survival

Reading all your posts made me realize I am not alone, and I am not the horrible mother that I have been feeling like lately. I am going to try some of these ideas and number one is to start taking care of me! I have to and it starts now. Thnk you. I had just yelled at one of my kids minutes before. Just thank you for your heart and sharing theses posts.

I too stumbled across this post on Pinterest. At times dealing with my 2 yr old son I feel so cruel afterwards. I have felt so alone in this. I was not raised this way. I had a very passive mother. It makes me so ashamed of myself. I feel like you are writing about me!

I feel such shame and fear for how this will affect my daughter. I always apologize but the damage has already been done. I have a hard time catching myself before it happens. None of it is ever acceptable, and our children need to understand this. While I am not an expert on bullying, I do want to share with you what I tell my children. It is important that we, as parents, have talks like these ready to go in our minds for when these situations arise. After empathizing with them, here is what I say in steps:. Ignore it. If it is simple, verbal bullying, just walk away.

Dr. Gabor Maté: Consequences of Stressed Parenting

Bullies usually want to assert some sort of power over those they perceive as weaker than they are. There could be a variety of reasons why this might be, from problems at home or at school, to a low self-esteem. Compliment the bully. This seems like a strange request, but it works to throw off the person hurling insults. Quite the opposite, actually! Tell an adult. You have tried to handle it calmly and in a good way several times, and it is time for an adult to intervene. It cannot continue.

Here’s a secret, frazzled mama—none of us actually have it together

Again, empathy goes a long way. Kids want to know that their parents are on their side and understand their struggles. Tell your children that you are sorry to hear about the bullying. This helps to validate their feelings and helps them to know that, of course, their feelings do matter to you. My goal with my children — and I tell them this — is that they become confident, independent thinkers who are strong enough to know who they are inside and out.

I want them in control of their lives, not anyone else. By attempting to handle these really challenging situations on their own in a rational and calm manner, they develop the self-confidence they need to become the positive, independent, and loving adults we want them to become. Parenting is not easy. Add pressure from work or the stress your child may feel at school, and the difficulty just multiplies. Parenting asks a lot from us humans. The role of mom, dad, grandparent, foster parent is multifaceted and demanding.

Our children want that from us, and we need to provide that for them. I, for one, am no saint — I am as imperfect as any other person, so sometimes I fail at this. When you have an especially rotten week where nothing seems to go right, and the stress builds, we start to see fractures in our strong family foundation we have worked so hard to build. For me, I find that heart-breaking, but also, I see it as a demand for action. I love to play with my kids!!

Between my work, kids sports, the homework demands of our school, and extra-curricular activities and clubs, this week has taken special time away. My kids resort to tantrums or picking arguments with their siblings or with us, their parents. The stress of everything brings us down and affects our relationship. I had to take action to avoid the downward spiral I suddenly found myself in.

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My solution this week has been two-fold: 1 seek help from the school, so they can help my middle guy get himself organized and on-task, to alleviate some of the stress he is feeling from the demands of his school work, and 2 be more diligent about finding some modicum of play time with them, even if that means they stay up just a few minutes past bedtime not too long, though! I also added an extra dose of loving words and encouragement to each child separately as I tucked them in, so they went to sleep feeling really loved.

Despite the stress of this week, I am determined to find the fun wherever we can, as well as finding solutions to what is causing the stress so we can deal with it more effectively. Whenever you find yourself caught in a whirlwind of activity and work, and the stress begins to crumble your day or week, make sure you can still find sources of fun together each day.

Maybe, like us, it will be a picnic just before a game. Maybe, a trip to the movies is in order, or go out for a quick ice cream cone together. Maybe a game night after homework and dinner is finished. I stagger sleepily downstairs to the kitchen for that precious first cup of coffee. As I slowly begin to feel a bit less drowsy and start to pour drinks for breakfast, get their vitamins out, rinse off some grapes, I hear my daughter behind me.

There goes the morning. We get her all checked in and seated with her book, and I get a text from my husband. I still have my flute and music staring at me, not to mention a trip to the library to return books that are due, and I still have my middle guy to pick up from school! We have so far successfully been able to split up our day between some ABCya. Sometimes navigating the hectic day of being a nurse, a mom, and a flutist can be really hard, but finding the joy in-and-among the craziness makes it so rewarding! Parenting advice from sticky notes? I have my books full of tabs and notes on information that I found particularly valuable or helpful.

I hate that! Gone — at least until I have a chance to pick up my books and refresh myself again. My solution to this? Carefully placed sticky notes. I find an area of the house that I will see everyday every morning and evening, actually and stick my best, most helpful piece of advice up on that area. This reminds me everyday to work on whatever it is I want to work on. For just one example, in Rebecca Eanes book, Positive Parenting: Connecting from the Heart , she challenges the reader to give your child four statements of encouragement or positivity for every correction.

Do try it. However, I was forgetting to actively try to get in four statements. Arrive home, deftly save one of the bags from splitting before I get it into the house. How would I know what food we already had? Move existing contents of fridge around.


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Focus Prabs, you can do this. Go at it again, moving things around in an intricate configuration, using every last millimetre of space. High five myself. June 3, by prabs 9 Comments Is it cos I is Indian? In my pathetic defence, although I was born and bred in the UK, am more British comedy series than Bollywood drama, prefer a Sunday roast to a curry I know, shocker right? So, let me take you through the fiasco of my son finally losing his first tooth, aged seven. He had excitedly placed his tooth under the pillow — BIG moment — and I wished him and the girls goodnight, making a mental note to fetch a coin once he was asleep.

I went back down, told Hubster about the tooth and…promptly forgot about it myself. Clearly, I must have learned to not put the damned tooth fairy money under the pillow. Cue mini heart attack. Is he kidding me? He chooses this morning as the ONE morning in the whole week to wake up early, instead of being dead to the world like he normally is?! I nearly shrank in mortification as my son mustered up his bravest smile, tried to mask his disappointment and said:. Quiet, flat, deflated voice. Those huge doe eyes. Go Team Prabs. I crept back into my bedroom, punched myself in the face, briefly considered punching Hubster in the face and told him about the mess-up.

What can I say? My brain instantly fogged up with panic trying to figure out the right course of action. You know what I used to get when I lost a tooth? What, the man who can survive on three hours sleep? The man who never hits the snooze button? Incidentally, how did I marry someone like this? I could just thump him.

I write. Words are obviously my thing. Well, more than one. Anyway, I give you:. The doctor we had at the time was a rather doddery old man, bless him. To be fair, Dreamy D is very softly spoken. A confident boisterous loud volumed child, he is not, so I admit it can be very hard to make out what he says sometimes. Mr Receptionist: Darren? Me: D-r-e-a-m-y D I started spelling it…story of my bloody life…. It was unreal. The guy was either incompetent or hard of hearing or both. I know. Very bad. You know what though? The other patients started giggling. I kid you not, one of them hid her face behind her magazine.

He got some details down, did a BP check etc. So far so dignified. To be fair, the curtain was totally on the other side of the office from the examination bed; how was I to supposed to know I was meant to walk across the whole office starkers without even a modesty towel?! Alas, there is nothing on the market for those of us in the trenches otherwise known as parenthood. But fear not dear reader:. So bottoms up and pants down. So on second thoughts, keep your pants on and just read the post. I think I fell on the keyboard and accidentally photoshopped that one. Sure, fill up my glass. These three are perfect for the woman who realises her life has changed f-o-r-e-v-e-r and with it, her ability to drink more than one glass without falling over.

The exhausting baby phase might be over but the routine of daycare or preschool is a reality and crawling home at 4am after a night on the tiles is a distant memory. The desire to exercise is there but it never quite happens. Looking for something with more body translation: to knock you out? Robust and as full-bodied as they come,There again, there are simply not enough wines on earth to help anyone cope with that. Call me a jumbo dumbo but WHY is everyone so excited?!

In the space of just one week of the first term last year, I managed to: — mistake day two of the cycle for day one — dressed K in P. But let me explain:. So no, dear reader, I am not shouting Hooray at going back to school. Well silently mouthing it at the thought of going for a coffee alone I admit….

Can you relate? Merci beaucoup. Musical M was recently off school the other day. So, despite having a mound of packing and jobs to do before leaving for the UK the next day, I turned the car round and headed back to have a cheeky cappuccino and a chat with my eldest at the new cafe. That decision turned out to be a life-changing moment for my child and a defining moment for her mother.

A split second later, I spotted it was a break of the cigarette kind. Musical M til then had been totally unaware that her father has the occasional cigarette. Well I have anyway. It just does. No offence to smokers. Go ahead. Back to that moment. And what I saw looked rather like panic. Stupid me. The girl who adores her father and who is in a car just 2 feet away from him has obviously seen him just panic-toss his cigarette.

Way to go team Hubster. Crap crap CRAP! Blind panic. Even though it is horribly unhealthy and unadviseable. Oh God. Not much better. What the heck is the right lesson to teach her here? Seriously, Google, what say you?

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The scene that ensued will probably seem laughable to half the people reading. What on earth is the big deal? But for Musical M and me, it was. Hubster quickly came down the ramp to meet us getting out of the car. Neither M nor I could get a friendly hello out.

Neither did he, poor guy. I told him we were going for a coffee and off we went. He went back to his office. I ordered my coffee, some food for M and as we waited for order to arrive, I noticed tears starting to stream down her face. More tears. Then more. Until she was actually sobbing with head buried in arms at our table. I messaged Hubster to come down as I felt he really needed to explain his way out of it as I was struggling to know which side of the fence I ought to be on.

After chatting to her trying to reassure her that he was not a serial smoker he clearly — in typical Hubster fashion — felt that he had spent the required amount of time on the matter and turned to me and asked how my coffee was. I think I just stared open-mouthed at him. Our daughter was in a crumpled heap with her world having fallen apart after seeing her father smoking and here he was asking me how my coffee was. My eyes told him as much.

After a while he asked if I was going shopping. I thought he meant so I could pick up a small thing for M to cheer her up. He needed me to pick up razors. Eff me. Is this guy for real right now? God help me. I could go on. We talked to her at great length about the issue trying to comfort her as much as possible. To many reading this post, there was no issue. The point is she lost a lot of trust in her father that day and neither of us knew quite how to handle it. You can read ALL the parenting books.

You can take a flipping course on child psychology. You can leave a comment in the box below too! You can also find this on these fab linkies by the following bloggers:. A mother of three is being treated for exhaustion as the school year draws to a close. It makes for sorry reading. Amongst her sins were:. She confessed:. Upon closer analysis, we noticed serious symptoms of general disorganisation and apathy. When interviewed upon her arrival, she admitted she:. Yep, cocktails! Why not? But life totally changes when we have kids.

Suddenly that cocktail menu that was a hoot in our younger days can seem like an almost unfamiliar blast from our partying past and the drink names are almost ironic. And if they did, I reckon the menu would go something like this. As I dutifully waded through my handbag or purse for those of you Stateside — and I really mean waded through — some underwear flew out of the bag. Yeah…joke all you want. I have three kids. It could well be a fight to the death between them, all over a chocolate bun thingy, I reckon.

Not sure which week either to be honest. Not even sure that a load of syrupy glucose mess is the best form of nourishment before their after-school sports activity. Sparkly pink princess fabric wallet: Coz…when you have two girls there is always something sparkly, pink and princessy in your handbag. Four bananas: Because I felt guilty over the crappy waffles? No idea why there are four. I told you this is what happens when you have kids. At which point, I will then file it away. You must be new here!

I believe this more than adequately describes my feminine hygiene situation — and has more than adequately just lost me a few readers. And yet glad to be of service. Go figure. A grocery list from… last September? What is there to say? But then, these days my hair looks like an actual cyclone hit it. In the bag it stays. I mean bugs.

A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence
A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence
A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence
A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence
A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence
A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence
A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence
A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence
A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence A Year Of Good-Enough Parenting: The Frazzled Familys Weekly Dose of Calm & Confidence

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